Listening to this in its entirety before continuing is required, Sirs!
Slow Fried Baloney
Dutch Mason Band.
Want some . . .
Get some!
This method of training predates the set system. It can be traced all the way back to the old time strong men [from all parts of the world] who used it to build strength in all sorts of various lifts throughout time with all kinds of stuff that can be lifted.
The routine consists of a series of 6 or more exercises for each muscle group. Each is performed for only one set. It equals the amount of work provided by 2 to 4 done for 3 or more sets. [I worked from one to three for five hours, ya dang number types].
The advantage is the variety of angles you are working each muscle, thoroughly activating all the muscle fibers.
Exercise monotony is one of the major causes of progress slowdowns. This program is a slow fried baloney, no, a buffet, er, potpourri of exercises making your workout an interesting one.
The Spirit-Nature of Massive Shoulders, Potpourri Style (Baloney pre-Workout)
Keeping with Spirit, being in, of, surrounded by and inhaling spirit, fish-and- water style, utilize different repetitions on each exercise. Use heavy weights with low reps on some, medium reps and high reps with lighter weights on others.
Begin with a set of 10 on the PBN. It has a nice rhyming sound to it. Keep the barbell moving, don't lock out overhead or bring the bar completely down. Partial range of motion, right? . . . leave out the very lower and most upper section.
Follow with front presses, licking your elbows if flexible enough, and if not, locking your elbows out at the top of each rep. LOWER SLOWLY. 6 reps.
Move on to side lateral raises. Start with the two D-bells held together in front of you [d-bol d-bell joke here if you like, start with two d-bol etc.). Lift 'em out to your sides, keeping the fronts and backs of the dumbbells even, Steven. Your arms stay slightly bent throughout the movement. Bring them level, you devil, to the top of your head. Hold them in that position on this delt mission for one second and LOWER SLOWLY, Owen and Everly. Use light weight (Baby!) and do 15 reps, Darlene.
Okay, Dexter, next . . . hold a heavy barbell at arms' length . . . pull it up to your chest, raising your elbows high in an upright row. Do four reps. LOWER SLOWLY.
Sit on a bench, John, you lousy Judy Dench wannabe with mousy shoulders-not-boulders . . . what is this . . . 50 ways to pump your delts, by Paul Simon . . .
Sit on a steady bench with two light dumbbells at your shoulders, Leopold (damnit!), palms forward, as shown by Norm in Illustration Minus Three. Without bending from side to side, press them alternately for a set of twenty reps, Henny. Do a set . . . have consciousness and is it a living thing?
Do a hardish, noisy set, ahem, of alternate dumbbell front raises, palms down, twelve reps, Asa, oi vey.
With light-dumbbells, I mean light dumbbells, keep your arms straight, do a set of thumbs-up side laterals for a set of eight and stop trying to lick your elbows already, Freddy.
Conclude your shoulder workout with straight-arm barbell front raises. Hold it (hold what? my horses?) at the top position, head level, and LOWER SLOWLY. Do 6 reps.
Isn't it amazing how pumped you get on one set per exercise?
Gains for the Whole Body Not Including the Privates
You can Dad-blast-it, the whole body with this method, or completely incinerate a specific bodypart Tokyo, March 1945-style with this method.
To formulate a potpourri routine, the more exercises you're familiar with, the more selection you'll have to choose from, hint hint.
Use this method in a split routine, doing half your body one day, and the rest (not that kind of rest) the other day. Or, do your whole amazing body three days a week, you crazy.
Here's a routine I used to break through a training rut, and it's only one of the countless variations you can come up with on your own:
Lower Back and Obliques
Hyperextensions, weighted, 10 reps
Reverse leg lifts, hanging upper body over Roamin' chair, 20 reps
Good mornings, 20 reps
Side bends, barbell across shoulders, 12 reps
Side bends with dumbbells, 30 reps
Shoulders and Traps
PBN, 10 reps
Front press, 6 reps
Side laterals, 15 reps
Upright row, 4 reps
Barbell high pull, 3 reps
Alt DB press, 20 not-so-so see-saw reps
Barbell front raise, 12 reps
Thumbs up laterals, a.k.a. Siskel & Eberts, 8 reps
Alternate DB front raises, 6 reps
DB shrugs, 12 reps
Upper Back and Rear Deltoids
Pullups to chest, 20 reps, want more than now, get more over time
Bentover DB row, 6 reps
45-degree row, 8 reps
Pulldown behind neck, 10 reps
Straightjacket, er, straight arm push(pull)down, 15 reps
Nautilus puke-all-over, 12 reps
Low cable row, 5 reps
Bentover laterals, 10 reps
Bentover DB row, elbows out, now well-licked, 6 reps
Bent arm pullovers, 8 reps
Chest
Incline barbell press, on incline, 10 reps
Bench press, do a search if you're not 100,000% sure of the correct technique, which, after researching the first 10,000 of the results should take you approximately point oh-oh one percent of the way through the mass of bench technique how-to's online, 8 reps
Lean-forward dips, weighted, 4 reps
Decline barbell press, 8 reps
Incline flyes, 7 reps
Pulley crossover, 20 reps
Naughty-more-or-less chest machine, 30 reps, Delores
Triceps
Cable pushdown, 20 reps
One dumbbell two-hands-on French press, 6 reps
Kickbacks, 15 reps
Reverse grip pushdown, 10 reps
45-degree pulley extensions, 8 reps
One hand DB triceps press, 12 reps
CLOSE GRIP PRESS BEHIND NECK [there's one I used long ago that you don't see in many routines!], 5 reps
Lying triceps extension with EZ curl bar, 7 reps
Decline two-DB triceps press, 10 reps
Nautilus tricep machine, 30 reps
Biceps
Wide grip barbell curl, 20 reps
Barbell curl over vertical bench, 6 reps
Preacher Scott bench angular curl, 10 mormonic reps
Curls lying on bench under lat machine, 12 reps
Reverse curl, 7 reps
Hammer curls, 5 reps
Close grip EZ bar curl, 6 reps
Concentration moon curls, 15 Zappa reps
Incline DB curl, 30 reps
Forearms
Barbell wrist curl, 20 reps
Barbell reverse wrist curl, 20 reps
Wrist roller, 3 foot cord
Wrist curl with floor pulley, 10 reps
Reverse grip floor pulley wrist curl, 10 reps
Thighs
Leg extensions, 15 reps
Standing leg curl, 19 reps
Leg press, 8 reps
Lying leg curl, 6 reps, plus baby reps, forced reps, forced forced reps with exaggerated grimace, feces-filled cheeks style
Front squat, 12 reps
Ballet squat, 12 swan-leg lake reps, Jake
Hack lift, 7 reps
Leanback squats, 20 sissy reps, Gene, Jack, and then Chrissy, you twat
Lunges, 10 reps
French squat (full squat to halfway up, as if you didn't already know! 20 reps
Calves
Standing calf raise, erect 4-H style, 20 reps
Seated calf raise, milkmaid style, 8 moist reps
Donkey calf raise on Nautilus, Johnny Wadd Wonderland style
Calf raise on leg press, 10 reps, Rex and/or Abel and Don (net-factual!)
Alternate calf holding dumbbell raise, 15 reps; Milo be warned, that bull's offspring have had it with you kicking sand in their faces when not being carried all over the goddamned place, their tits are in a wringer, revenge will be had!
Calf raise, heels turning inward in shame, introspective of what they have done; time wounds all heels.
Deep calf raise, no weight, 10 reps, Sandeep
Abdominals
Now-dry elbows-to-knees situps, wait a minute, what? (weighted), 10 reps
Leg raise on stand (by), almost bye now to this one, 50 reps, Isaiah, Micah, Genesis, Jude, Hosea and Zephaniah.
Crunches, 100 reps or four-20 horsemen of the Equinox and no, I don't smoke weed anymore, and it's been quite a while now. Not even for Lughnasadh anymore, I swear!
Nautilus A.I. ab machine, 25 reps, eh, Ike.
V-ups, 20 reps, and finally, this is the way we
Roll-ups, 15 reps.
Sorry for not including photos for each exercise.
On the nutrition and diet side of this type of routine, I recommend slow-fried baloney as a pre-, inter- and post-workout (within that wealthy widow-of-opportunity) energy booster, pump enhancer, and musclebuilding nutrient-builder. Or, in luau of that, pinapple/pineapple blended into a generous serving of tomato/tomahto juice. Reg Park worked up to three galloons of this health drink, and so can you, regardless of your body type, genetic gifts or shortfallings, and appetite/digestion/assimilation situation.
And there we have it! I do hope you are able to at some time take some worthwhile uncharred timber away from this burning Vaudevillian building presented, at some point and/or in some way. The single set-apiece, multiple exercise idea is an old one worth trying at some point in these modern times and . . . even though you may not know who wrote it, when it was written, or how much heft and import it should be given according to those knowns unknown.
Enjoy Your Lifting!
